It’s the weekend, so naturally I’m watching hours upon hours of basketball. It’s always interesting to analyze the advertisements that big US TV networks target toward the average college basketball viewer.

Lots of ads for the marines, the navy, the reserves. I imagine they are pointed squarely at the thousands of kids who dedicated their teen years to sport, but weren’t good enough to get a scholarship and too busy to get good grades. Here’s you consolation prize: boot camp!

Chevy, and Ford, and Pontiac are well represented. I guess they expect sports viewers will purchase their cars on a patriotic basis. Together with the army ads, it makes me wonder if college basketball fans are notorious for becoming part of the herd. There is a certain blank fanticism exhibited by many college b-ball fans. Hmmm. Still, the Chevy ad with the techno version of “Hail to the Chief” is very powerful. Different too, it’s nothing like their be-a-good-ol-country-boy image.

The most hilarious ads are from Fidelity mutual fund and 401k plans. The 401k ad shows your contributions floating about as blobs in the lava lamp (which Fidelity can consolidate). Another mutual fund ad shows Fidelity fund performance in terms of gigantic unfurling psychedelic flowers. ’60s music blaring through all of them. They’re blatantly targeting baby boomers who are planning for their retirement. Paul McCartney has been enlisted for future Fidelity ads. Flower power has become much more concerned with compound interest than peace. I wonder what Viet Nam vets think of these ads. Maybe they’re just expected to sign up for another tour of duty to pay for their retirement.

By the way, UCLA’s Darren Collison is legit. Someone better draft that boy (and not into the army).